Make the same mistake twice.

I'm going to a party tomorrow and I'm actually excited about it. I've avoided social gatherings with strangers for a long time now, so it's a weird feeling to actually looking forward to something like this. Laura is throwing the party, and I'm attending together with Emilia and Jonas. Before that, Jonas is coming over early in the day and Emilia later on and then we're going to make some dinner together before we head off to the party at 10 PM. It'll just be kind of interesting to see how everybody is going to fit in since it's a small apartment and there's coming quite a lot.
Which reminds me that I need to buy some vodka...

So things are going fine, both moodwise and the things happening in life. I can definitely feel a difference now that I don't have to worry about my lack of money and what to do in the new year, it's almost as if a stone was lifted off my chest. I haven't really had any negative thoughts and there has been no anxiety.

I recieved the journal from my hospitalization in 2009, and holy shit, so many papers. It was a package, not a letter as I'd guess. I've read 1/4 of the journal and it's quite interesting to read. There are some things I didn't even know were written or considered by the doctors. For example, I didn't know that they previously diagnosed me with moderate depressive episode and gender identity disorder, the doctors never told me that for some reason. I've also laughed a bit about the things they've written about me (they have described me as awkward more than once in the journal).
It's weird to read about my 16-year-old fucked up self, but also really freeing in a way. I'm aware that not everything is gone, but if I compare myself now to how I was back then, 85% of my problematics are gone or are under control.
There are also a lot of phone conversations between my mum and the nurses written down in the journal, which is also really interesting to read.
When I've read everything through, I'll probably write a long entry about the hospitalization, how I was back then and what happens within a psychiatric hospital since people tend to think that only "nutjobs" go there (spoiler; people are wrong).

 I'll try get my act together and tidy up my room for tomorrow now. I'm thinking about writing more entries about my point of view on things, but I'm afraid if I end up looking like a know-it-all type of person (when honestly, I don't know anything, haha.) I've grown really fond of debates and exchanging point of views lately, but I'm always open to hear about other's opinions and reasons if they think something different, because that also educates me/gives more thoughts. As cliché and lame as it is, I've thought about doing an entry about drugs since it's an issue in my life that tends to come back from time to time (as in friends who tries to beat their addictions), and an entry about sex (because that's a subject that usually stirs the most interesting opinions when I talk with others about it, and I also have a lot of opinions about it). Also an entry about love and what it means to me, and what perfection is for me (that a thing Emilia and I planned to write about on each blogs, she posted her opinion month ago on her blog but I never really got to write mine because I'm lazy.)

And just a little thing - I'm completely alone in the house right now, it's 3 AM and the phone keeps ringing, despite everybody who has the number to the house knows that no one is there to pick up the phone after 4 PM on Fridays. It's 3 AM, so I'm kind of freaked out because they keep calling and well... people usually don't call a house phone at 3 AM.