It's been a little while since my last update, so I thought I'd just fill some things out.
Jonas is coming over in a few hours, and I'm going to make dinner for us which might be the first time I actually do that, haha. In all the time we've known each other, it has always been him who has made dinner for us, so I hope I can live up to that (I'm not the best cook in the world). But I'm going to make carrot lasagna, and if it's possible to find the right ingredients, it will also be vegan. He has the idea that vegan food isn't as good as "normal" food, so I'm gonna see if I can fool him with fake cheese.
We haven't seen much of each other lately, but I was with him yesterday and it just made me really calm and happy. We're going to work on seeing each other more often. It'll be kind of hard in a few months though. He's currently on a waiting list for a hospital ward placed in Roskilde which is quite far away and a bit expensive to go more than once a week. I hope it'll turn out good though, and he's looking forward to getting the help he really needs.
I'm going to the doctor later because of a few things going on with my body, hopefully we find some ways for me to get better. I'm suspecting I might be anemic because I have all the symptoms which sucks. I'm probably also going to get my joints checked since they hurt and my back, too. And my stomach is being weird too, so all around a complete body check, lol.
I can't figure out whether or not to tell her about my eating habits as they have been for the last few months. It probably has something to do with why my body is hurting, but yeah.. A part of me knows I should tell her about it and get help, but another part of me wants to go lower. I gained a kg the last few days so my BMI is back to 16 now which I still know is very low and all, but I constantly have this thing inside me that tells me that just 2 kg more wouldn't harm me, that 44 is where I need to be. I know it's fucked up and I know it has come to a place that's far from healthy. I know I should tell her, but at the same time, if I admit it, it will mean that I actually do have a problem with it again and it scares me. It's a bit difficult to explain this actually.
It's not normal to get anxiety attacks because you've eaten pasta.
On another note, I ordered the doctor's journal from the time I was hospitalized those 3 years ago, I think it'll be interesting to read. I know I let out a lot of negative emotions on my blog, but it's not because I'm always feeling bad, far from it. I function somewhat okay in daily life, things just tend to build up and this is where I spill them out. But it'll be interesting to read about "the past me" and compare to where I am now, because holy shit my mind was fucked up back then.
Hopefully in the new year I'm starting up at the school I went to earlier this year again, though at another "line". It'll be the creative line this time, so I'm really looking forward to that! Not doing anything everyday is a bore by now and I really feel the need to do something soon. So yes, I am excited about this.
My sleeping patterns have also been perfect for the last weeks and I'm really stoked about this. :)
Ingen kommentarer:
Send en kommentar