Good days.

Hello!

For the first time in a long time, I'm actually doing pretty great. As mentioned previously, I've been having months of feeling sad and hopeless and generally not good. But I hope it's over now, just for this while.
These last few days has been good, my mood has been lifted and I've felt great (bad thoughts limited, been able to sleep and had the will and surplus to do things), so it's all good. Nothing there. :] I know it return later on as it always does, but it's a somehow bearable fact right now.

My favorite time of the 24 hours is around 4 in the morning. There's this amazing atmosphere and feeling dazing around that time. Actually, it's 5 minutes to 4 AM right now, hahah.
It's around this time that the birds start to chirp, and the sun slowly comes to the surface again. It's not night nor morning, and everything is bathed in a blue haze. No one is up. It's simply peaceful.
So I went for a walk two days ago, at 4 AM. I live in a rather busy part of Copenhagen, and there's always some kind of noise, whether it's from cars or pedestriants, you can always hear someone. But this time, there was NO sound at all. I walked down the entire road, and I never heard any sound of anything, besides birds. It was so odd, as if it was an abandoned town, hahaha. But I couldn't even hear cars, not one single car. Never tried that in this city.
So now I've decided that I'll go for walks around this time later on, if I'm not sleeping. It's worth it!

Realized that this might be triggering, so trigger warning of doom;

Yesterday, I found a picture from last year when I was in London with a good friend of mine. And I completely freaked out, haha! Not in a bad way, but I was just shocked for some weird reason.
I actually thought that I was slimmer back then than I am now, but now I'm not really sure... My face was apparently almost round, haha. Oh dear. I really hope that I've lost that weight. It's just weird, because I'm 100% certain that my weight is higher than it was back then!
And speaking of weight, I've realized something that's quite odd. I had an eating disorder for about 7 years, and it's mostly under control now, with only a few spurts during the year. But I realized something.... The last 3 years, I've always had my downs around May and June. 2010, 2011, 2012 - all of them were focused on food around those months. It's really weird! I have no idea why it happens around that time... I'm not the one who parades around in nothing (for obvious reasons.)
I never want to go back to those years again, and I'm pretty sure those years have destroyed some physical things as well as psychological. 7 years with a BMI ranging between 13 to 15. At my lowest, I weighed 35 kg. I'm happy I don't have any pictures from that time.

This picture is 3 or 4 years old. I weighed 42 kg back then, with a BMI on 15. (and yes, I was one of those V-kei kids with half-shaved eyebrows, hahaha!)

I'm about 16 kg heavier now, I think, and at the exact weight I should be. I'm not really sure what I weigh right now, to be honest..
And completely honest, I'd still like to loose about 5 kg. I would still be within a healthy range at that weight, because I know it's easy for me to let it take over.
And if I'm extremely honest-- I'd like to loose 8 kg in reality, but that's not an option. I won't allow myself to get there, simple as that. :] But around 4 or 5 kg is good enough, unless it's lost in an unhealthy way. Just normal-sized, healthy meals and (not extreme) exercise.

I might write later, if I feel like it and I'm not asleep (it's 5 AM now). Positivity, positivity! Keep on being positive.