Don't listen to the words i say, the screams all sound the same.

I'm trying to go things through my mind these days. Not the current things, but things from the past. I think most of the problems I have now are somewhat linked to the things from my childhood in a way. It's something way back, because I remember when I was around 7-9 years old, I climbed trees - not out of fun, but because I wanted to break bones. Same reason I tried running into our swing frames, and also why I coated the bathroom floor with shampoo/conditioner/lotion (I don't remember exactly what it was I used, because it's not relevant). I didn't break anything any of the times though, luckily! I only sprained something when I was "lucky".

So I'm pretty convinced that one thing I need to figure out is from an event before that age. Or if maybe I'm just a fragile person. I don't know. But it's worth trying (that's also why I've written about eating disorders in a previous entry - I'm trying to sort things out).
 I really want to get better in the future and not become depressed, so I'm trying to get these things out now where I'm able to think about the things. 

For an example, phobias are often triggered by an event - I became afraid of water when I saw someone drowning at the swim as a kid - and I think that depression or whatnot is often also started by an event or more events together. Now I want to know the roots and know where it started, so I can start working on it.

So yeah, this blog will probably contain a lot of "vending" entries and a lot of thoughts/memories in the next while.