don't you just love goodbyes?

I need to update more often. Not necessarily because I'm experiencing a lot of things because that's really not the case, more because when I finally decide to write a new entry I never know where to begin because it's been a while and I'm not sure what to write. It's somehow easier to write a new entry when it hasn't been long since the previous one.

Slightly crazy things are happening around me at the moment. Last weekend we had to call the cops because one of my roommates' ex-boyfriend had broken into our house. The police came and looked for him in the house but couldn't find him, so they left after half and hour or so. Turns out he had hidden himself somewhere in the house for 6 hours after they left.
Another roommate moved out very suddenly because she had been a bit aggressive lately and broken random kitchen utensils in her rage-fits but got banned from the house because she hit one of the men who works here.
And a new girl has moved into the other house which has also brought some really surrealistic situations. She's very smart and independent, but when she gets angry or sad, her mind takes her back to her mental state when she was 5 years old which causes her to get the hissy-fits of a little child and everything is just really odd.

I'm doing okay at the moment. I had a meltdown this Thursday and I'm trying to work it off now. I think the reason why it hit me so hard was because I tried too hard to stay positive and by doing that, I didn't let out any negative emotions and pushed them away instead which only backfires in the long run. I'm okay now, but I can feel that I need to take some time to rest and allow myself to feel the negative emotions when they are there without grasping onto them too much and overthink them.

I still have this hollow feeling and insecurity about who I am as a person. I don't really know how and when it will go away, but I hope for it to be soon. It's quite annoying and I wish I didn't feel that way, but I also think it's understandable when you think about the fact that I'm trying to change my way of thinking. It'll most likely come together and set in normally once I get a grasp of it, but I know it takes time.

In three days it'll be 7 years since my father passed away. It's a weird to think that it has been that long but at the same time it feels like it's much longer. I'm okay with it and it's not because I'm sad about it, it's just a weird feeling I have about it all. He hasn't been there through all my teenage years and I've gotten over his death many years ago, but I still think of him often. It has been years since I visited his grave, so I think I'll come around and leave some flowers on his grave that day. I suspect that it might be hard even though I've gotten over it, but I think the one of the reasons why I'm good at keeping it at distance is because I haven't visited his grave for so long. Somehow knowing that his bones lies metres under me might be a thought that will be hard to grasp.