I should know you aswell

So this is a post about progressing and staying positive.

I'm not saying that I'm in a good mood all of the time, neither that I'm looking at things in a brighter light all of the time. It can be really hard and it can feel impossible to do sometimes because it's really difficult to change your thinking patterns. But I would say that I'm staying/trying to look at things positively a majority of the time by now. Sometimes I need a little outlet and have a day where I can just lay in bed and get some of the negativity out of my system, but I get up and do the things that I need to the day after.

I can see a change in a lot of things by trying to look at things positively. If I feel leftout, I tend to think "I could be replaced so easily", but instead I think "I can be replaced, and that's okay, because people change with time and I'm (sadly) also going to replace someone in the future because that's how humans work". If I feel like there's no point in getting out of bed, I try to replace that thought with "there's no point in staying in bed either and it certainly won't make me feel better, so I might aswell give it a try and do something".
It sounds really lame, but when I actually got a hold of that way of thinking, it really helped me.
I'm trying to look at life in a different way that I'm used to.

My younger self would probably hate me for saying this, but I've come to realize how true some of the things I were told that could ease depression actually works.
I was told that a messy room can "mess your mind" and cause you some mental chaos, and I didn't think it made sense at all. Well, my room is clean most of the time now, and now I do believe it's true. When my room is messy, I tend to lack motivation to do things and it all seems pointless.
Regular sleep, eating and exercise. For me, they are all linked. The days I work out, I eat way more regularly and I sleep much better in comparison to when I don't exercise. If I don't get enough sleep, I either don't eat much or eat the wrong kinds of food and I feel too fatigued to work out. If I eat healthy foods I get more energy and crave exercise, which in the end makes me sleep better. So for me, they're all linked and can't really work without one of those "actions".
Exercising boosts my mood and confidence because I feel like I'm doing something good for myself, eating healthy and enough makes me feel like I'm "safe" (due to the eating disorder) and makes me feel better about eating, and good sleep makes me more at rest with myself and makes me avoid over-thinking. So I do believe that those actions are important keys to getting better..
(It's kind of weird, if I haven't eaten enough during the first hours of the day or if I accidentally skip a meal, my mind automatically goes into a "you should try to see how long you can go without eating again, you could lose some weight"-mode, so I try to avoid that. It's just weird that those thoughts are louder when I haven't eaten regularly.)

I'm really proud of myself for trying to change my way of thinking. I'm trying to put all of me into the battle of getting better and it's working. Of course there's still some things that I haven't conquered, but I do believe that things will get better with time and hard work.

And also, just because I'm really, really proud of myself for not freaking out and actually being stoked and happy about it - I'm officially in the normal weight range now!! I weigh 53,2 kg as of yesterday and my BMI is 18,7 now, so I'm no longer underweight. I still need just a few more kgs to be at my healthiest weight, but I'm honestly just happy about getting so far.

I'm also starting up at a health food/whole foods-store (no idea if there's a word for it in English, but in Danish it's "helsekost") sometime soon, and I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be nice to have some sort of work to do again.